After The Fall
by NotNaturalGirl-96
Summary: Each chapter will be a different characters POV. This is heavily focusing on Destiel but we will see Sabriel. This is before The mark of Cain, but I am inserting Chuck. This is very AU but I am trying to stay close to alot of details. There is def mature content and there is may be some triggers. I tried to put warnings in whatever chapters needed them. MPREG
1. Intro, Cas's POV

**Cas' P.O.V**

It has been three weeks since the Angel's had fallen from grace because of my mistake in trusting Metatron. I have also been human for three weeks, and in all honesty, it is terrifying for me. Sam and Dean have been letting me stay in the Men of Letter's bunker with them, and they have been trying to help me adjust to being human, especially Dean. Although I try my best not to be a burden to Dean because I love him and he has been trying to help Sam recover since stopping the Trials, so I have been keeping a lot to myself, especially my nightmares.


	2. Intro, Dean's POV

**Dean's P.O.V**

Since Cas has moved into the bunker my feelings for him have only intensified, Sam has been doing a lot better since stopping the trials and I am happy about that, but Cas has been struggling to adjust to the fact that he is human. A lot of the time his emotions tend to get the better of him, it is hard to see because the only emotion I want to see on his face is happiness. He hates himself for not seeing that Metatron was using him, I have been doing what I can but he is pretty shut down until things become to much. Sam keeps trying to insist that Cas doesn't want to bug me or be a burden, but I can't help being hurt a little that he doesn't just come to me.


	3. Intro, Sam's POV

**Sam's P.O.V**

Since stopping the Trials, I started to feel much better and these three weeks have helped a lot, I am not quite 100% but I am close. I am really worried about Castiel though, I can see how depressed he is, and I can also see how much it hurts Dean to see Cas like that. I have been trying my best to talk to Cas, but he is distant, and I think he just doesn't want to be a burden. I can see how much Dean loves Cas, and I want to tell Dean to just tell Cas, but I know it would make Dean shut down.


	4. Castiel

**Cas' P.O.V**

I groan a little and get up from the bed that has become mine, I glance at the clock to see the it is 2 am. I sigh and slip a shirt, that Dean gave me, on and silently make my way to the library. I grab a random book and sit down at one of the tables to read. I don't know for sure how long I sat there before I heard someone clearing their throat from behind me. I look up to see Dean and I smile a little, "Hello Dean." I can feel that my throat is slightly sore and it is evident in my voice. I see Dean frown at me, probably because of the scratchiness to my voice.

"Hey Cas, why are you up so early it's 4 am" Dean asks in a soft tone.

I shrug a little, a habit I have picked up from Dean, I am sure. "I couldn't sleep so I thought I would come out here again and read some of the books the Men of Letter's have"

Dean frowns more, "Cas, How much sleep have you been getting lately?"

Again I shrug a little, "I am not sure really."

Dean's frown becomes mixed with concern as he asks, "Cas, when was the last time you slept?"

This time I bite my lip, and look down at my hands and softly says, "3 Days ago, maybe"

I peek up at Dean to see his face has anger on it, as he blurts out "3 days ago?! Cas, that is not good for your body, you have to remember you are human now."

I feel anger rise up in my chest and I growl a little, my throat is bothering me the more I talk but, I am mad at Dean so I ignore it and bite out, "I remember I am a Human every damn day Dean. Every time I have to eat, or use the fucking bathroom, or when I saw Sam struggling to recover at first and I couldn't heal him. So, don't tell me I need to remember I am Human Dean"

Dean shakes his head and frowns, "Cas, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that you need to sleep, the lack of sleep weakens your immune system, and it probably must do with your sore throat. C'mon Cas, let's get you some water and then you can come to my room to sleep. Your bed isn't all that comfortable"

I look at Dean with wide eyes that he would offer to let me share his bed, but I nod. My feelings for Dean have become more apparent to me since becoming Human. I had always been aware of them, but I didn't know how to make sense of them so I never mentioned my feelings, and I also worry that Dean would hate me. After making me drink a full glass of water we walk silently to his room, I stay silent for fear of having Dean change his mind and making me go back to my room. He motions for me to lay down in his bed and I do so quite softly, leaving room for Dean to climb in if he wants to. It takes him a minute or so to do so, but he finally did, so gently clearly trying not to disturb me and soon I felt exhaustion take over and started to fall asleep. I am vaguely aware of myself shifting closer to Dean as I fell asleep.


	5. Dean

**Dean's P.O.V**

I don't know what possessed me to offer my bed to Cas, but once I laid down next to him, I could feel myself relax and I felt better. I desperately wanted to reach out and pull Cas close to me and hold him against me, but I didn't really think he would react well to that so I just watched and listened as Cas' breathing evened out. I soon realized Cas had shifter closer to me in his sleep and I couldn't help the smile and wrapped an arm gently around his waist. I tried to fall asleep again, but my mind kept drifting to the warm body next to me. I softly watch Cas sleep, and he looked so content and relaxed, I took the hand that I had wrapped around his waist and gently brushed it through his unruly black hair. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I heard a content sigh fall from Cas' lips and what almost sounded like a purr. I laid there for about 3 hours before I heard a knock on my door and Sam's voice call out, "Dean, You in there?"

I sigh and sit up, Cas had moved out of my arms so it wasn't hard to do. I softly called out, "Yeah Sammy, Gimme a sec". Despite not wanting to leave Cas alone I climb out of bed and slipped out of my room not wanting Sam to see Cas in my bed.

"Hey Dean. Have you seen Cas? Normally he is sitting at a table in the library reading some random book when I get up" Sam asks with worry on his face.

I groan internally because I know that if I tell Sam that I don't know where Cas is he will get all worried and open every damn door in the bunker. I sigh and nod, then gently open my door to reveal Cas curled up on my bed, Sam looks in and I see the smirk form on his face and as I shut the door I growl "Shut up Sam!"

Sam grins at me, "So you finally told Cas how you feel huh?"

I glare at him, "How the hell do you know how I feel about Cas?"

Sam laughs at me, "Man you are my big brother, I know you and I see how you look at the guy."

"What the hell are you talking about Sam?" I ask, trying to deny how I feel, only because I am scared about how Sam will react.

Sam rolls his eyes at me, "Don't pull that shit with me Dean. It's pretty obvious you love the guy." At the word Love I look up sharply and go to speak but Sam continues, "Look Dean, I don't care what parts he has, if you are happy. Cas may struggle with your humor and not understand everything you say, but he is a good person and much better than some of your other hook ups and I really think you should tell him how you feel cause I think he feels the same".

I felt relieved that Sam is okay with how I feel about Cas, but then I shake my head and look at Sam, "I can't Sam. Okay Yes, I will admit I love Cas, and I want nothing more than to be with him in a romantic way. However, Cas deserves so much more than me, I also can't take advantage of him right now, I know how raw he is from losing his wings and all the other Heaven bullshit. He keeps it all bottle up and shit but I know how hurt he is cause I can see it. By the way Bitch, he is only in my bed because he hasn't slept in at least three days. I offered him my bed and he almost instantly fell asleep okay"

Sam smiled, "It's because you love him Jerk"

I laughed and walked with Sam into the kitchen to make breakfast since it was 7 am. I relax as I cook and think about Cas.


	6. Castiel's POV

**Cas' P.O.V**

I silently listened to the conversation Dean was having with Sam, since I woke up when Dean had opened the door, expecting him to come back in but he closed it again. I stared at the door in shock, when I heard Dean tell Sam he loved me. I listened as the two walked off. I could hardly believe what I just heard, Dean loved me, but he wasn't telling me because he thought he would be taking advantage of my raw emotional state. I smiled and laid back down, as soon as Dean came back I would tell him how I felt. I guess I fell back asleep, because when I woke up it was 11 o'clock. I realized as I woke up that Dean's arms were around me and I smiled and rubbed my eyes a bit tiredly, "Mornin' Dean".

Dean starts to remove his arm from my waist but I stop him. He looks at me clearly shocked and in an almost pleading voice he says, "Cas…"

I let myself relax further into Dean and close my eyes, "You're warm Dean, it feels nice".

I feel and hear Dean's breathing stutter, and I know he is probably staring at me, "Cas, please don't make this harder for me".

I sigh and gently flip over in Dean's arms so I am looking at him, "Dean please listen to me. I want you to really listen." Once I was sure I had his full attention and I was sure he wasn't going to interrupt I continued. "Dean, I love you. I have loved you since I long before I raised you from perdition. I was charged with watching over you and Sam when Sam was born." I feel Dean's muscles tense and see the look on his face, I know he is thinking of his mother. "I wish I could have changed things Dean, but my orders were only to keep you and Sam safe, most importantly you. I didn't understand why my focus was to be heavily on you until after I pulled you from perdition. Father you were so hard to keep safe after your mother died, always throwing yourself into the line of fire to keep Sam safe. I was there, when Sam was killed the first time, I wanted so badly to intervene because it was my job, but Zachariah stopped me, told me it was father's will. When you made that demon deal, I wanted to intervene but I wasn't allowed to then either. I was so mad but I was still a loyal warrior for Heaven. When they told, me they were building an army to rescue you, I was the first to volunteer. I realized then that I loved you, I would do anything for you. I struggled with it because I still wanted to be loyal to Heaven. Throughout these past years, I have done pretty much everything for you Dean, and I'd still do anything to make you happy and keep you safe. Don't try to tell me you don't deserve me to love you, because I have watched you Dean, from a brave little four-year-old who pulled his brother from a fire to the man you are today. Yeah mistakes have been made but you have made no more than me. I have seen your soul Dean, and it is the most pure and beautiful soul I have ever seen despite what you went through in Hell it was still very pure." As I finish I realize I am crying and that Dean is to.

Dean hugs me tightly and buries his face into my shoulder. I softly rub his back, waiting patiently for him to respond. "I just, please be patient with me Cas. I don't feel like I deserve the love you are so willing to give me. You have literally gone to Hell and back for me, you went to Purgatory with me and left me to keep me safe. I just have put you through so much shit." He sniffles a little then looks at me, "You really watched over me and Sammy?"

I smile a bit and nod, "I was charged to watch after you when Sam was born. They, I mean Zachariah told me to pay more attention to you then Sam. I didn't understand tell they revealed that you were Michael's true vessel, and obviously, Zachariah was less concerned with Sam for obvious reasons. I was, I, I ensured you and Sam were safe in that fire. I cared for you both all I could when you were little. I, I almost saw you as my own, but as you grew up I was in awe of you and the lengths you would go to for Sam. It drove me insane but then I realized how badly I wanted to the same, when" I can feel the tears form as I think about the hellhounds tearing Dean apart, "When the hellhounds collected your soul from Hell. It hurt me so bad to see you like that Dean, Zachariah had to fight me to keep me from stopping them…"

Dean stares at me with wide eyes, "You, you tried to save me then?"

I nod a little, "Zachariah forced me back to heaven though, because I tried to so hard to save you from that"

Dean hugged me tightly, "I forgive you Cas."

I pull away a bit and look at Dean confused, "For what Dean?"

Dean moves his hand to my cheek and strokes it lightly with his thumb, a fond smile on his face, "For not saving me, for, for everything that you blame yourself for. I know you do and I want you to know I don't blame you."

I bury my face in Dean's shoulder as the tears fall from my eyes, I can't stop thinking about everything I have done wrong and the times I couldn't save Dean. It makes me feel better to know that Dean doesn't blame me. He wraps his arm around me tighter, one of his hands on the back of my head running gently through my hair. "Dean, you deserve so much better, someone w... who isn't broken… I can barely understand being a human"


	7. Broken, Deans POV

**Dean's P.O.V**

I scoff at Cas's words. "Cas, we have both made some really shitty choices. You aren't broken, you just have to figure things out and it's okay. We both deserve some happiness and if that means we find it in each other than fuck everything else." I smiled and softly lean in and kiss Cas' lips, I instantly feel a connection and couldn't help but to kiss him deeper. I slowly pull away and I could tell that by the way Cas was smiling that he knew how much I loved him. "Now close your eyes and get some more sleep Cas. You need it okay"

Cas nods and he cuddles further into my chest, his head resting under my chin and I can feel his nose against my neck. "Night Dean"

I smile and stroke his hair, "G'night Cas." I felt Cas' eyes close and his breathing even out. I watch him sleep for 3 more hours before I hear a knock on my door again and sigh, but instead of getting up I softly call out, "Door's open Sammy".

I look up as Sam lightly opens the door and his smile gets wider as he sees Cas wrapped up in my arms. "Hey Dean sorry to interrupt but I found something today, it, it uh has to do with the Angel's"

I feel Cas tense at the mention of the Angels and I look down at him to see his blue eyes slightly glassy with tears. I frown at him, "Cas it wasn't your fault".

I see Cas swallow hard and he shakes his head and looks at Sam, "What's going on Sam?"

Sam hesitates but then he sighs, "There are a few reports of miracles being performed in town."

Cas tenses more and I can feel my arms tighten around him as he asks, "Any idea what's going on?"

Sam shakes his head a little, "We have a little information, there are reports of a man healing people, and he says his name is Ezekiel and he is looking for someone…" Sam's voice trails off and I realize he is staring at Cas.

"No" is the only word I can manage around the lump in my throat.

Cas seems to be frozen for a moment before saying, "His name cannot be Ezekiel. Ezekiel perished in the fall from Heaven, many angels Did. We must find this Angel and find out his true Identity."

My arms tighten around Cas and I shake my head, "No way in hell Cas! You know the Angels have a price on your head! This Angel wants to kill you!"

Cas shakes his head, "It doesn't matter Dean! This Angel is claiming to be another angel and is hiding his identity. We have to know why"

I can feel Cas' body shaking, but I know he won't change his mind on this.

Hesitantly I nod, "We can go tomorrow. Tonight, you need to actually sleep Cas"

Sam nods to agree with me, "Dean is right Cas. Get some sleep, one night won't hurt anything."

I feel Cas pull out of my arms and he looks at me and softly says, "I am going to go to the library to read, and try to clear my head Dean"

I sigh but nod, "Okay, but I am going to come get you in two hours because you need to sleep."

Cas nods, and then leans down and gives me a quick kiss, "Yeah Yeah".


	8. Jerk, SAMS POV

**Sam's P.O.V**

I feel bad for Dean, I can see how bad he wants to go after Cas, "Dean he is going to be fine".

Dean sighs heavily and seems to deflate, "I know Sammy, but he isn't all powered up anymore. What if this angel wants to kill him Sam?"

I nod, "It is a good possibility Dean, but you have to remember he was a warrior for Heaven long before you and I were born. He may have to get used to fighting completely Human but he knows how to defend himself"

Dean nods, and then looks at something and when I follow his line of sight I notice he staring at the picture of him as a boy with our mom. "When you were born, Cas was apparently put in charge of protecting us. He, he was there when mom was killed. Fucking Heaven man. We were meant to grow up without mom, all this bullshit just so Heaven could get its way. They weren't betting on us fighting them every step of the way. Cas had no clue what was supposed to happen until he pulled my ass out of the fire"

I stare at Dean, shocked and slightly angry but at Heaven and not Cas. "Those fucking Dicks"

Dean scoffs and nods, "Yep, Fuck I need a damn drink"

I laugh and roll my eyes "'Course you do Dean"

Dean smirks and gets up, then grabs a bottle of whiskey from beside his bed and takes a large swig. "Bitch"

I quickly retort, "Jerk"


	9. Return of GABRIEL CAS's POV

**Cas' P.O.V**

I go to the Library and grab a book and start reading. After about fifteen minutes, I growl a bit and chuck the book I'm reading of somewhere and shout "Who the Hell is it! This angel is clearly not giving his name for a reason so what the fuck is it!"

"Cas, Man are you okay?" Sam says from behind me.

I lay my head on the table and sigh, "Not really Sam. I mean, I already know that pretty much all the angels have a price on my head so I don't get why this angel is using a fake name. It just doesn't make sense and I can't focus on anything else". My throat is starting to hurt again from the yelling and I feel very worn out.

Sam nods a bit, "I wish I could help give you an explanation Cas. Go get some rest you seem exhausted okay."

I sigh but softly nod and get up and give Sam a light smile and then go back to Dean's room to find him not there, I just shrug and lay down. After 30 minutes I feel Dean climbing into bed next to me, and he kisses my head making me purr a little. "Hey Cas, I went to take a shower."

I nod a bit, "I know, I can smell."

Dean slowly kisses me again and I can't stop the soft moan the slides from my mouth. Our soft kisses turn heated and he moves so he is above me, grinding softly against my crotch and I can't stop moaning. Dean pulls away and looks into my eyes, "Cas, I want you so bad. But I want to make sure you are okay with what is going on."

I nod, "I want more Dean. I will tell you if I become uncomfortable but so far everything feels very pleasurable".

Dean smiles and kisses me again, this time his hands sliding down to my hips and he holds himself off me so he can rub along my growing erection and I moan out and arch into his touch. "Are you still a virgin Cas"

I blush but nod, "Yes, I couldn't have sex with anyone… Not after I properly met you. It never felt right"

Dean smirks and kisses along my neck and my breathing hitches as he bites down a bit and he then licks at where he bit and he whispers into my ear, "Good. I want to fuck you and I want to be your first"

I blush deeper and close my eyes. Suddenly I feel very cold and I frown and look around to see I am no longer in Dean's room but in a hotel room. I look around for something to use as a weapon when I hear a voice. "Cas! Fucking finally found you!"

My head immediately goes to the voice, no it can't be. "Gabriel?"

Gabriel smirks and comes over to me, "Hey little bro. How ya been?"

I stare at Gabriel with wide eyes, and then I realize my Jeans are unbuttoned and my shirt half-way pulled up and I blush and quickly fix myself. "I uh, I have been good brother. Where have you been?'

Gabe smirks at me, "Oh you are so going to tell me more about that. I was dead, but father began to remake me but it took him so long because I am an archangel. I was using Ezekiel's name because father told me not to bring too much attention to myself, very few angels know that Zeke died in the fall. I am here to open my back door to heaven that I created when I left last time."

I look at Gabe shocked, "Father is alive, and you spoke with him?"

Gabe nods, "Yup. I'll explain what he needs you for when you tell me who I interrupted you making out with."

I blush, but don't look away, "Dean Winchester."

Gabe laughs and then smiles at me, "Finally Cassie, Took you long enough. Have you two had sex yet?"

I shake my head, "We uh, we were kind of working up to it when you summoned me here. Speaking of which Dean is likely freaking out. Can you come back with me and explain to the Winchester's as well"

Gabe smiles, "Course. Plus, I can see my Moose."


	10. Return of Gabriel Dean's POV

**Dean's P.O.V**

I look at the bed, confused as Cas has suddenly disappeared. "What in the hell?!" I get up and look around, as I begin to feel panic rise in my chest that an Angel probably summoned him. "CAS!" I hear footsteps and turn to see Sam standing in the doorway looking confused as ever.

"Dean what's going on?" Sam asks.

"Cas just disappeared, like out of nowhere. I think the angel that was looking for him summoned him, he told me he still has a little grace left in his body but not enough to do anything with but track, and with the right spell summon" I blurt out quickly.

"Relax Dean-O I brought back your boy-toy. Heya Moose". I hear Gabriel's voice and look back into my room and see Gabe standing there with Cas. I look at Gabe shocked.

"G-Gabe?" I hear Sam stutter behind me, his voice thick with sadness.

Gabe smiles, "Hey Sam."

Sam shakes his head a little, as if trying to shake of a delusion, "No, you died. I watched you…"

Gabe nods a little, "I know Sam. God was working on bringing me back but it takes a lot longer for me because I am an archangel"

I realize how the two are looking at each other and can tell they are in love. It shocks me a bit, but Cas doesn't seem to be. "Sorry to interrupt but uh, What the hell is going on Gabriel?" I say trying not to sound annoyed.

Gabe smiles, "Came to help out my little brother and open a back door to heaven. Get him his grace back and then kill Metatron and let the angels back to heaven"

I see Cas' eyes light up at the mention of his grace, "Wait, I could have my grace back?"

Gabe smiles like a proud big brother and nods, "Like Dad told me, TO much heart was always your problem. He will be taking over at Heaven again, but once you have your grace back you won't be in trouble for anything okay, And I will personally make sure you can stay here on earth with Dean okay?"

Cas begins crying and nods. I can see how overcome he is and I move to take him in my arms, and just as I wrap my arms around him his knees give out and he leans heavily against me. "It's okay Cas. I've got you okay. You need to rest, c'mon let's lay down okay."

Dean nods and the two of us lay down in my bed, he buries his face in my chest as he is still sobbing softly. I run my fingers through his hair and rub his back. "C'mon Sam. We need to talk and let these two rest"


	11. Return of Gabe, Sam's POV

**MATURE CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER**

 **Sam's P.O.V**

I nod, still shocked at having Gabriel back. He leads me from Dean's room and into the small living area Dean and I have set up. He sits me down on the couch and softly sit next to me. "Hey Sam, You okay. You are a little pale there?"

I look at Gabe, reality finally hitting me and I suddenly hug him tightly, "Oh God Gabe I was so alone after you died. I couldn't love again, no matter how I tried."

Gabe gasps a bit but he hugs me back, rubbing my back softly, "Shhh I know Sammy. It's okay, I am here now to stay alright. It'll take a lot to kill me alright."

I lay my head on his shoulder, fighting the tears. "Promise, Please promise me you are staying, cause I can't lose you again Gabe. My heart can't take it."

Gabe nods a little, "I know Sammy. I promise that I will be here with you. And once it is your time I'll come to heaven with you and I will stay with you for eternity".

I let out a sob and squeeze Gabe tighter, I can feel how hard I am shaking but I can't help the emotions flooding through me as I realize Gabe is back... "I didn't get to tell you before you died, but I love you to Gabriel"

Gabe laughed a little and kissed me, "I know Sammy. And I knew then to"

I nod and kisses him deeper, smiling as he moved into my lap rubbing against me and he moaned shamelessly into my ear. "Mm, Gabe. You feel amazing, want to go to my room and break in your new body"

Gabe nodded but he didn't move of my lap. I smiled and got up my hands grabbing his ass and he wrapped his legs around me. "Fuck Sam, forgot how wonderful you feel. I need you so bad"

I nod and walk to my room, keeping a hold of Gabe the whole time, and once we are in my room I shut the door with my foot and turn around and press his back against the door, kissing him harder and grinding against him softly. His moans began to get louder and I knew that he wouldn't last long, "Mmm Gabe want to fuck you please"

Gabe nodded excitedly, "Hell yeah. Please Sam, seriously my body is brand new not touched and I feel like I am on fire right now". I smirk and go over to the bed and lay him down then start undressing him, kissing his skin occasionally, and once he is fully undressed I grab the lube from my drawer and put some on my fingers. I gently rub his hole, hearing him gasp as I slide one finger in, I kiss along his neck softly. I slowly begin to work him open, 1 finger becoming 2, and 2 becoming 3. I occasionally brush his prostate and smirk a little by the way his body shakes when I do that. Gabe growls low in his throat "Fuck Sam, I need your fucking cock now because otherwise I am going to go off like a fucking rocket."

I can't help the small chuckle that comes from my mouth, but I kiss Gabe then open his legs wider and grab the lube again, and rub some on my dick. Once I line up my cock with his hole, I slowly begin to push in, hissing slightly at the tightness. Gabe, gasps and whines a little, "Shhh, Sorry Gabe. You gotta relax okay"

Gabe glares up at me, so I lean down and kiss him softly and begin to slide myself fully inside him, once I am fully inside him I wait for him to adjust to my size. Finally, he moans out gently, "Fuck moose move please!"

I laugh a little but slowly begin to thrust inside him, moaning out and I rest my head on his shoulder. Soon I start to go faster, chasing my orgasm, I hit Gabe's prostate and move myself so I hit it with every thrust and I go faster and harder. After a bit, I pant out, "Fuck Gabe, I'm close"

Gabe moans loudly and nods, clearly struggling to focus. I gently reach between us and begin rubbing his cock with my hand that is still slick with lube, that cause Gabe to cry out and almost instantly he cums all over our chests. His orgasm sends me over the edge and my vision whites out as I cum hard. I assume I pass out cause when I open my eyes again Gabe is panting and shaking under me and looking at me a little worried. "Hey moose, You okay there".

I nod a little and nuzzle him softly, "Just, felt really good Gabe"

Gabe nods, "It was perfect Sam, I missed you so fucking much."

I smile and kiss his ear lobe gently, "Me to. C'mon let's take a shower babe"

Gabe groans a little, "Can't I just use my mojo and then we can sleep"

I laugh a bit, "If you really want to babe."


	12. Pain Cas's POV

**MATURE CONTENT**

 **Cas' P.O.V**

I gently curl into Dean's chest, I can feel myself shaking and I can hear myself sobbing. I know it is more than just the fact that my father won't be banishing me or anything, I know it is that I have bottled things up for far too long. I can hear Dean whispering soft, loving things into my ear, and he knows I need to just let things out. Eventually I stop crying, because I just can't anymore, and now I feel extremely exhausted and weak. "Close your eyes Cas. You are exhausted, I promise I will be right here okay"

I nod and close my eyes, wanting to fall asleep, but I can't seem to and I groan a little. "Can't sleep Dean"

Dean softly kisses me and runs his fingers through my hair softly, then his hand runs along my sides softly. I can feel the arousal building, despite how exhausted I feel. Soon he is laying on top of my and he begins to unbutton my pants, my cock hardening at the soft kisses and intimate touches. "Mm, you know, sex will be the perfect thing to really wear you out Cas".

I nod, not really knowing if it's true or not but desperately wanting to have sex with Dean. "Dean please. I want to have sex with you so badly"

Dean smiles against my neck, "Anything for you babe." He slides my pants off and helps me with my shirt, then he moves onto himself and takes his clothing off. Dean reaches down and rubs my cock slowly, and I moan out loudly not being able to stop myself. He begins to rub more, twisting his hand occasionally and I can hear myself moaning loudly and rather shamelessly.

"Shit, Dean oh fuck. Feels so good. Dean I want you to fuck me, please oh fuck". I can hear myself talking and almost begging for Dean to fuck me.

Dean reaches over and grabs a tube of a clear liquid, he then puts some on his fingers and rubs his index finger gently around my hole. I moan out loudly and arch a bit into his touch, soon I feel him slide a finger inside me and I hiss a little at the slight burn. "Shhh Cas, you need to relax okay"

I nod and take a deep breath and relax a little, and Dean begins working me open slowly. By the time, he is done, he has used three fingers and my body feels like electricity is running through it and I am shaking. "Dean, Fuck me please"

Dean smiles and kisses me slowly and then grabs the same tube of liquid and pours some in his hand and rubs it on his cock coating it thoroughly, he then spreads my legs a little wider and rubs his cock on my hole gently, before pushing inside me. I cry out, the burn becoming a little overwhelming for a moment. "Shhh, I've got you Castiel. You're okay, just relax for a minute".

I can feel myself shaking again and I nod and take some deep breaths and can feel myself relaxing and Dean slowly pushes inside me more. I gasp a bit but keep myself relaxed, Dean is soon fully inside me and my body feels like it's on fire again. The pain also slightly pleasurable and I nod gently at Dean. "Move Dean, I am okay now". Dean looks a little hesitant but pulls himself out of me and then sliding right back in. I am shocked that the pain is making things more pleasurable but I ignore it until Dean is moving too slowly and softly for my liking. "Fuck Dean harder"

Dean hesitates a little but immediately begins to thrust harder and soon he is slamming into me. "Oh, God Cas you are so fucking tight"

I moan loudly and arch into Dean, arching up into him, and Dean suddenly kisses me hard and then kisses along my neck and bites down. His bite sending me quickly over the edge that I felt myself on and I feel myself seize up and I orgasm hard. I feel Dean's pace stuttering but he moves harder, and soon I feel his cock twitch inside me and he cums. Once he is done I pant hard, and close my eyes, my whole body feeling sensitive and exhausted. Dean slowly pulls out of me and gets up, but soon comes back and cleans me up, and I can feel myself drifting off to sleep by the time Dean crawls back into bed I am most asleep.


	13. Nightmares Dean's POV

**Dean's P.O.V**

I watch as Cas falls asleep, and once I am sure he is asleep I look at the bite on his neck, its already bruising and I am worried. I could see that Cas was enjoying the pain, and I bit his neck to see if my suspicions were correct. It makes me worry a little that Cas found the pain pleasurable, I know it is something normal for many people but I can't help but wonder if it's because he thinks he deserves to feel pain. Soon I feel myself drifting off to sleep, and let it take me. I wake up, and look at my clock to see its only about 4 am, so I look around trying to figure what woke me and I see Cas on the other side of my bed. I can hear him mumbling something and see he is crying, but I can see he is in a deep sleep. I frown, as I realize he is having a nightmare. I move over to him and run my hands through his hair and now I can hear he is mumbling my name over and over as well as begging me to save him. "Hey, Cas I'm right here babe. Castiel, c'mon babe wake up. It's me Dean, I'm right here okay"

After a minute, Cas' mantra begins to get more panicked and his hand is digging hard into his side, his brain trying to wake him with pain, but it's also making his nightmare worse. Suddenly Cas's eyes shoot up and he screams "DEAN!"

I get in front of Cas and make him look at me, "I'm right here Cas." After a few seconds his eyes really focus on me and a sob escapes his mouth and he buries his face into my shoulder crying hard. I rub his back softly, and kiss his head, "Shhh, It's okay Cas. I've got you, you're safe now okay"

I softly lay down and pull Cas with me, and he curls against me crying still. After a minute, I hear feet outside my door and a panic knock, "Cas? Little bro what's going on?"

I realize my door is locked and I go to get up but Cas is clinging desperately to me so I call out, "Gabe my door is locked, use your mojo and open it up".

Without a second thought Gabe, does so, and then comes in with a sleep hazed Sam behind him. "What the hell did you do to my brother!" Gabe asks angrily, clearly noticing Cas' sobbing.

I growl and narrow my eyes at him, "I didn't do shit. He was having a nightmare and it scared him"

Gabe's narrowed eyes relax and he frowns, "Why is having nightmares?"

I sigh, "Because he is Human, and he has been through shit as an angel that can cause some pretty fucked up nightmares".

Cas whimpers gently, his sobbing has softened but he is still shaking. Sam looks at Gabe, and then me before taking Gabe's hand, "Sorry Dean. C'mon Gabe,"

Gabe is hesitant but follows Sam, but I can hear him say, "But Sam"

Sam stops, and I am assuming looks at Gabe as he says, "Gabriel, nightmares suck. And with what Cas has been through I can only imagine the type of nightmares he is having, I promise the best thing for him right now is to be with Dean okay."

I can hear Gabe sigh and their feet move farther away. I look down at Cas and kiss his head gently, "Wanna talk about it Cas?"

Cas shakes his head a little and lets out a shaky breath, "N..no but I feel that I need to".

I nod a little, "It's okay Cas. Tell me when you are ready okay?"

Cas nods a bit and closes his eyes, resting his forehead against my shoulder. "We were sitting in Heaven, just talking when I felt myself falling. I feel to purgatory somehow but this time I was all alone, surrounded by leviathans and, and all sorts of things, I ran as hard as I could, I was begging for you to come and find me. Just before I woke up I was finally caught and, and they tore me apart"

I rub his back softly, "It's okay Cas. You are never going to go to purgatory again. Those things can't hurt you anymore. And I promise I will never leave you alone".

Cas just whimpered and sobbed into my neck shaking hard. I tighten my hold on Cas and rub his back softly and kiss his head. "Shhh, I've got you Cas. I won't let anything hurt you I promise,"

After about 10 minutes Cas started to calm down. I softly kiss him and smiled at him, "T… thank you Dean. I am sorry I woke you"

I shake my head and kiss him again, "It's okay Cas. Don't worry about it. That's why you haven't been sleeping though huh, you keep having nightmares."

Cas nods a little and buries his face in my shoulder, "I d.. don't wake up from them unless I am about to die."


	14. Nightmares, Sam's POV

**Sam's P.O.V**

I practically drag Gabriel away from Dean's room, I know it's hurting him to see his little brother like that. "Gabe, It's not Dean's fault okay. Everyone has nightmares sometimes, Cas has been through a lot as an angel and he still carries those memories with him, he is going to have nightmares okay. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if that's why he has hardly been sleeping. I have tried it, so has Dean after Hell, Cas has been through more shit than the both of us okay."

Gabe's eyes still hold concern and he frowns at me, "But Sam, if he'd let me I could make them go away or at least lessen"

I sigh, "The thing is Gabe, is that Cas believes he deserves this, for him it's his punishment for the things he has done wrong. Dean was the same way because I know Cas gave the same option to Dean and he refused. Cas has unfortunately picked up many of Dean's bad habits when it comes to certain things. I know you don't think he needs to be punished because you are his big brother but he believes he does."

Gabe sighed heavily and frowned, "Of course he learned shit from Dean. He follows him around like a lost puppy… Cas doesn't deserve those nightmares… Sam, I have never seen Cas looking that scared since he was a fledgling and he was scared for Lucifer and Michael. Unbelievably Cas loved Lucifer when he was younger, Lucifer and I taught Castiel how to fly and caught him when he would fall. When Lucifer started to change Castiel noticed, he was young but he noticed there were changes to our brother. One day I remember when Cas had gone to Lucifer to play, and Lucifer yelled at Castiel. That scared Cas, he had thought he had done something wrong and that was when Castiel started to change to try to become a more serious angel. When he was a fledgling he had been more like me, but after Lucifer yelled at him for wanting to play, he changed. That was when I left Heaven, because I couldn't watch my little brother turn into such a serious angel just because my older brother was being an ass. IT was right before Michael was told to cast Lucifer from Heaven."

I stared at Gabe, shocked but also my heart warmed for Cas, I also noticed the tears forming in Gabe's eyes so I wrapped my arms around him. I jumped when Cas softly said, "I only really changed when you left brother. You weren't there to keep me the light-hearted angel I had been. I understand now why you left, but then I did not. I cried for you, and I did not understand why you had left me, because after Lucifer began to change I had felt lonelier, but when you were gone. There was no one left who cared for me anymore"

I watched as Gabe swallowed the lump in his throat and he nodded, "I should not have left you Castiel. I just, as Dean once told me I hid from everything because I could not handle my family issues. I saw what was starting to happen to Lucifer, and that day he yelled at you I knew things would change soon, and that Lucifer would soon be cast out, it was just a matter of time. It hit me hardest when you began to change it was too much and I ran away. It wasn't the right thing to do and maybe I could have changed things but I cannot go back now."

I saw Dean rubbing Cas' back lightly for support. I smiled and gently wrapped my arm around Gabriel, letting the two brothers talk. "All right everyone, how does breakfast sound because I know that I am wide awake?" Dean asked looking around the four of us.

We all nod and Dean and I go to the kitchen to make breakfast and leave Gabriel and Castiel to talk.


	15. Heart to Heart gone wrong Gabe's POV

**Gabriel's P.O.V**

Once Dean and Sam are gone I can see Castiel's confidence breaking a little, and I feel bad because I know that it is partly my own fault for it. "C'mon Cas, let's sit and talk while the Winchester's make us some food"

Cas nods and then the two of us sit down at one of the tables in the Library. It only takes a few minutes before I begin talking, unable to sit in silence "Listen Cas I can help you with those nightmares"

Cas sighs and shakes his head, "I believe I overheard Sam telling you already that I would not choose that. I have made many mistakes brother, and for you may not believe I deserve to be punished I do. I killed many of our brother's and sister's when I took on Purgatory, and assisted in the deaths of many more when I helped Metatron with his spell to cast out all angels. Not to mention the many human deaths I have caused brother. I understand that you most easily remember me as a young fledgling with light, and hope, but I have not been that way for a long time. The things I have done need to be punished, while I am thankful I have Dean, I believe I deserve these nightmares as punishment."

I groan a little, "Damn it Cas. I wish you would listen to me, it really hurts to see you so scared. Hell, when I heard you screaming for Dean it sent terror through me because I never wanted you to fear anything."

Cas' lips turn up into a little smile and he nods, "I know Gabriel. I am sorry that it hurt you but, I deserve the nightmares at the least, truly I believe I deserve to be cast out. I have done more harm than Lucifer did before he created Demons."

I frown and shake my head, "No way in Hell will I let father cast you out. But, Cas there is one thing I have been hiding from you."

Cas' eyes meet mine and his head tilts softly to the side to show his confusion, "Why would you do so brother"

I look down nervously, "Because I didn't want the Winchester's to find out, especially Sam"

I see the realization show on Cas' face, "It has to do with Lucifer then"

I nod, "Father has me going to the cage, to talk between Lucifer and Michael, and try to find an agreement. Lucifer seems to be much better and is ready to come back but Michael doesn't believe that things will last for Lucifer."

Cas nods a little, "He was very interested in causing the apocalypse, I can understand why Michael has his doubts but I also remember Lucifer mostly as my older brother who taught me how to fly and loved me and cared about me."

I nod, "I know, he was very loving and caring before the Mark began to change him. He has been free of the mark and things have changed, he got over a lot of his bullshit in the cage. I think father is ready to let him free, but we are still discussing".

I hear a glass drop and shatter, I turn around to see Sam standing there his eyes wide, and I feel my chest tighten. "What the Hell do you mean Lucifer is getting let out!?"

I bite my lip a bit, "I uh, listen Sam let me talk about this before you snap"

Before I get a chance to say anything Dean comes in the room looking pissed as hell, "What the fuck did I just hear about Lucifer getting let out of the cage?"

I groan and throw my head back in exasperation, "Seriously," I sigh then look at the two brothers, who are wearing very different expressions, "Before you two get even more hot and bothered let me talk. Dad is thinking about it because he wants to have the archangels back in heaven again, Lucifer and Michael will both be freed from the cage but they will not be allowed to Earth or to take a vessel. He is having me visit the cage and negotiate and try to get the two to talk. Believe it or not but Lucifer has changed in the last 5 years in the cage, and as you both know very well that time passes slower in Hell so he has had a lot of time to get his frustrations out. I, I have only just returned to Earth. I've been alive for about a year but Dad has had me focusing on Lucifer and Michael."

Sam looks a little relieved, but Dean only looks more pissed off. "Can't he just fucking make new archangels."

I sigh a little and shake my head, "It would take him much longer than he would like to have it. It is much easier to let them out of the cage after talking to them".

Cas nods a little, "Gabriel is right Dean. While I understand, you do not like most angels, there are many things that need to be changed in heaven and having Archangel's again would help many things. While Gabriel is back he is in love with Sam and does not care much for heaven, so he wouldn't want to spend much time there and Heaven needs archangels that are there full time."

Dean growls a little and rolls his eyes and then walks off, clearly pissed off at the prospect of letting Lucifer and Michael out of the cage. Cas sighs and follows Dean trying to talk to him. Sam comes over to me and looks at me, his eyes slightly sad, "You didn't want us to know yet did you"

I shake my head, "I didn't want you to find out until after, I was once told that it is easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission."

Sam sighs, "You truly think Lucifer has changed?"

I nod softly, "If you would let me I could show you, He has actually wanted to talk to you and apologize."

Sam looks down at me, I can tell he really isn't sure about the idea. "I don't know Gabe, I don't want to be in the cage again."

I nod, "It would be easier for me to take you to Heaven if Dad will let Lucifer out. Michael is not sure about it because he isn't sure that Luce deserves it but I think he has changed a lot Sam."

Sam nods and then walks back into the kitchen with my hand in his, Dean trying to argue with Cas about Lucifer and Michael getting let out. Instead of trying to interrupt Sam waits for Dean to stop talking and says, "Dean, If God keeps Lucifer and Michael in Heaven, then he does. No matter what he does we have no real say-so in the matter. It is pointless to try to argue, especially with God. So just let it go, because honestly I am Dean"

I look at Sam, a little surprised, but when I look at Dean he seems utterly shocked. "Sam, he tortured you in that cage. He wore you as a damn meatsuit."

Sam nods, "Yeah, I know he did. But no matter what we can't do anything. If he comes back but stays in Heaven, then who cares, Honestly Dean".

Dean sighs a little, "Fine but I don't like it."

Sam nods, "Me either. But it isn't our choice Dean. it's God's"

Suddenly I laugh as I remember my father, Sam, Dean, and Cas all looked at me confused. I smile, "You will know when you finally meet Dad. He wants to come down to Earth to talk to the three of you. Speaking of which, I need to go to Heaven to talk to him and figure out when he wants to do that."


	16. Father? Cas's POV

**Cas' P.O.V.**

Just as Gabe finishes talking, I hear someone clear their throat by the door, when I look I see Chuck standing there looking very confident, Gabe smiles, but the first to talk is Dean, "Chuck? What the hell I thought you were dead"

Chuck laughs a little and then he shares a glance with Gabe and the realization hits me and my mouth opens wide but I can find nothing to say. Chuck smiles at me, "Hello Castiel. Hello Sam and Dean. I suppose I need to talk to you guys."

Dean looks at me, and he can tell that I know something but he isn't getting it. "Cas what the hell am I not getting here?'

I shake my head, "I believe he should tell you."

Chuck nods softly, "Thank you Castiel. Come Sam, Dean, we should sit down and discuss things." Dean looks confused but turns off breakfast, since it was done anyways and then we all follow Chuck into what Sam and Dean call the War Room. "Now, you boys deserve an explanation. You see I, am not Chuck, in fact there never really was a Chuck Shurley. In reality I am God, this is just something I use."

Dean's face turns to absolute shock and I just look at him as I remember something, "Wait, I had that amulet, when I first met you. It should have reacted"

God nods, "Had it been turned on. I had turned it off"

I nod, "Oh"

Sam looks at God, "I uh, would you. Wow"

God sighs and nods, "While yes I am God, I would prefer to be called Chuck."

I look at Gabe, and he seems to know I want to ask somethings and he nods at me, "It's alright Cas."

I nod and turn to Chuck (GOD). "Father why have you been absent for so long?"

Chuck (GOD) smiles a little, but I can tell it is a very sad smile. "There are many reasons. But the most prevelant one was that I suppose I had given up trying to do everything. After what happened with Lucifer I was tired of trying to make everything better and I tried to give you more free will, especially the humans. I wish I hadn't at times because there are many things I want to stop but I gave humanity free will, I wanted to give Heaven the same choice at least in some aspect. Obviously that went wrong."

I lower my head when God mentions the idea that Heaven having free will went wrong. I close my eyes as I feel the tears creeping up on me, Dean seems to know what's wrong and he softly puts a hand on my back trying to be comforting. Soon I realize how tight my chest is and it feels like I can't breathe which only makes me panic. I could hear Dean trying to talk to me but his voice sounded so distant as I felt my breathing become more labored. Distantly I heard Gabe trying to talk to me before I heard him shout at God, "Are you just going to stare at him!"

As soon as it started it was over, I buried my face in Dean's neck shaking hard. "Shh, It's okay Cas. It was just a panic attack."

Gabe seemed to growl, "Seriously? He was freaking out and you just let him?"

I looked up to see God glaring at Gabe, "That's enough Gabriel. I was trying to let Dean help him." After that his gaze focused on me and softened greatly, "I did not intend to upset you in such a way Castiel. I will not lie and say that I have not been disappointed in you, because I have. However, I gave you some of the most freewill. You did not understand things, and while some of the things you did were wrong. You always had good intentions, Too much heart was always something your brothers and sisters saw as a problem but I wanted you to be different. Granted some of your choice were not ones that I had hoped you choose."

I could feel the tears form as I looked down at my hands, and I my voice sounded small "I understand father. I am sorry for disappointing you".

God sighs and he gets up and gently laid a hand on my shoulder, "Castiel, do not think you need to feel sorry. I knew what your intentions were,"

I nod a little but I can't find the confidence to look up at him.


	17. Shut up Chuck, Dean's POV

**Dean's P.O.V**

I softly rub Cas' back, trying to help him relax. He leans a little into my touch but he still looks so much like a little kid whose father is telling him he messed up. I look at Chuck and I can tell he wants to make Cas feel better but doesn't know how. "Why did you let the angel's do what they did to our family." I hear Sam say gently.

Chuck looks over at Sam and sighs, and then goes back to his seat and takes a deep breath and looks at me and then Sam, "They were following what they were told. It was your destinies." I feel anger rise up in my chest and I just want to snap at Chuck but instead I grind my teeth. "Certain things were meant to happen in your life, Your mother's death, the Demon Blood Sam, Dean dying and going to Hell, And Cas, YOu were always going to be the one to pull Dean from hell, 10 hell years to late. You and Dean were always going to meet, and fall in love. Although I had hoped you would have figured things out sooner."

Before Chuck began to talk to Cas about us meeting was meant to be I had started to get really pissed, but as soon as he mentioned that Cas and I were meant to meet I feel some of my anger fade away. "So we were meant to grow up fucked up?" I snap out before I can stop myself.

Chuck sighs but looks at me, "Yes and no. You were meant to grow up without a mother and in some way be turned to hunting. The way your father reacted was his own free-will. Just as how you chose to earn extra money when your father did not leave enough".

My whole-body tense and I glare at him, "I suggest you stop there" I can hear how icy my tone is.

Gabriel, Sam, and Cas all look at me confused and shocked at how I talked to Chuck. "Dean, I do not understand. What is Chuck speaking of?"

I glare at Cas, "Don't Castiel"

I notice the tone of my voice and the use of his full name hurts him a bit. I quickly get up and go to my room, trying to ignore the looks of shock, confusion, hurt and anger.


	18. Confused? Sam's POV

**Sam's P.O.V**

I see how much it hurt Cas when Dean used Cas' full name. Gabriel is shooting daggers at Dean's retreating back and I know he could kill Dean if he wanted to, so I gently squeeze Gabe's hand. He looks at me and then sighs before getting up and going over to Cas. I look at Chuck, "What are you talking about?"

Chuck shakes his head, "I think you need to talk to Dean about it. I did not mean for that to come up, or for things to go that way."

Gabe hugs Cas and rubs his back, "I'll be back Cas." Before I can stop Gabe, he is in Dean's room. I can hear him yell at Dean, "You are the biggest fucking dick! You knew calling Cassie by his actual name would hurt him, but did you think when you did it, NO! You just wanted him to shut up so you went straight for his heart! I don't see what the hell my brother sees in you!"

Cas looked towards Dean's room and despite the tears he sighed and got up, then went to Dean's room leaving me to sit alone with Chuck.


	19. You did what Dean? Cas's POV

**Cas' P.O.V**

The moment Dean called me by Castiel with such a hurtful tone it felt like my heart crushed in on itself. After I heard Gabe yelling at Dean I sighed and got up to try to talk to Gabriel. I found Dean clutching his fist and Gabe laughing hysterically and I knew that Dean had tried to punch Gabriel, "Serves you right!"

I sigh and go over to Dean, who is cursing at Gabe, "Dean, why did you try to hit Gabriel?"

Dean growls and yells at me, "Because I don't fucking need him to tell me I was a dick!"

Gabe rolls his eyes, "Obviously you do".

I look at Gabe, "Brother, I can take care of myself. I am no longer a fledgling in need of your help. Please do not treat Dean in such a way?"

I can see the slight hurt flash through Gabe's eyes before he rolls his eyes and sighs out, "Whatever Cas. I just wanted to tell your stupid boyfriend he was being a dick. Think he needs to be told sometimes".

Once Gabe is gone I take Dean's hand and wrap it in a bandage and put ice on it, ignoring the look of despair on Dean's face. "Listen Cas, I am sorry. Gabe was right to yell at me, I knew the way I said your name and your actual name would hurt you and make you stop asking… It wasn't fair of me to do that."

I nod a little, "I understand that whatever it was that my father was speaking of was making you upset, You were not thinking properly".

He sighs and his whole body seems to deflate a little before he says gently, "I, I kinda thought you already knew what I was doing since you said you had watched over me."

I shake my head a little, "I did not watch you all the time, in fact I was only often there in case of an emergency. There were a few instances where I would be around but other than that I tried to leave you to have a somewhat private life".

Dean sighs, "Awesome" After he takes a deep breath he looks at me, "There were times Dad wouldn't always leave us enough money, and I tried to tell him that be he, he never listened, he would tell me that it was all he had. One night I had been out at the truck stop and I was stealing some food, when a trucker caught me. He said he wouldn't call the cops, and that he would pay me, if I uh… If I gave him a blowjob… So after that I would do it to get money."

I looked at Dean shocked, "Dean, you?"

He nodded a little, "I had to take care of Sammy. I didn't have a choice"

Just as I was about to say something in reply I heard a deep intake of breath, and when I turned around I saw Sam standing there looking shocked and I frowned. "Dean, Why would you do that?"

Dean closed his eyes tightly, and I could see he wanted to scream and shout but he lightly repeated, "I had to take care of you Sam. I didn't have a choice"

Sam had a look on his face that was somewhere between anger, and sadness. I could tell by the tone in Dean's voice that it had been a mantra Dean had often repeated to himself to get through things. "Sam, I understand you wish to ask your brother more questions, but I think I should talk to him alone for right now".

Sam looked at me and I could tell he was about to argue, but then Sam must have looked at Dean, who looked like he wanted to run away and then nodded and Sam left quietly. Once Sam was gone I turned to Dean and gently took his hands and made him sit down, I realized Dean had his eyes screwed shut and he was starting to repeat to himself, "I have to take care of Sammy, I have to take care of Sammy."

I sighed and rubbed Dean's back slowly and whispered gently in his ear, "It's okay Dean, It's over now. I am right here okay." After a minute or so, Dean finally calmed down and wrapped his arms around me tightly and buried his face in my neck. "We need to talk about this Dean. I know you want to run and hide, or even yell and get pissed off but we need to have a calm discussion about this."

Dean growled a little but then he sighed and nodded. "I really don't want to have this discussion Cas…"

I kissed him softly, "I know you don't, and to be honest I do not wish to either but we must."

Dean then softly said, "I already told you."

I sigh, "I know you did Dean. However, the way you were just repeating to yourself that you have to take care of Sam, was a response of giving up. When you agreed to do what you did, it was still traumatizing because it was not something you really wanted to do. It was something you believed you had to do in order to survive, and that mantra got you through it."

Dean's whole body was tense, and I could see that he was thinking about all the things he had to do in order to make sure he and Sam could survive, but mostly Sam because that's who he was lead to believe was the most important. "Dad always told me I had to take care of Sam no matter what and that's what I did."

I rubbed his back, "You were lead to believe that Samuel was the most important, and to ignore your needs for his. I know Dean, but you don't have to worry about Sam anymore, he is an adult, and he also has Gabriel to look after him."

Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes at the mention of Gabriel, "Your brother would just abandon him"

I growled a little, "Dean, Gabriel would only leave Sam to keep Sam safe. He loves Sam, I can see it. I could see it before his death to, he made sure that you and Sam got away from Lucifer and made sure you knew how to open the cage."

Dean rolled his eyes again, "He supposedly loved you to, and he left you"

Dean's words hit me like a knife through my heart, and it takes me a second to recover before I gently say, "He loves your brother more than he ever has anyone Dean". Dean looks at me with wide eyes, obviously realising what he had just said. I shake my head and get up, and walk towards the wall to look at pictures, my back facing Dean to hide the tears threatening my eyes. "It is fine Dean"

Dean turns me around to him, and uses his thumb to catch the tear rolling down my cheek before kissing me, "It isn't okay Cas. I keep saying things that are hurting you."

I laugh a little, "Dean, I am alright. Words cannot truly hurt me"

Dean kisses my head, "Words can always hurt Cas. I love you alot. C'mon, I gotta get this talk with Sam over, and I need you to keep Chuck and Gabriel away so we can talk by ourselves."

I laugh a little but nod, "Alright Dean"


	20. We should talk Sammy

**Dean's P.O.V**

I sigh and kiss Cas's head, then stand up slowly walking to the kitchen. Cas goes to talk to Chuck and Gabriel while I grab Sam's arm and pull him back to my room. I sigh heavily, "Before you get all upset just stop. I did what I had to to take care of you Sam."

Sam looked at me, I could see the hurt in his eyes, "You gave trucker's blowjob's to get money to take care of us."

I flinch at the words but I softly shake my head, "I did it to take care of you Sammy. My whole life I grew up getting told my job was to take care of you".

Sam frowned gently and looked away from me, "I know Dean… Jeez I was selfish as a kid… I am sorry Dean."

I laughed, "I know you are Sam, it's alright. I have given up on caring about this shit Sam. No more chick-flick moments okay. C'mon let's go hang out with our boyfriends and their father."

Sam laughed loudly, "Our Angel boyfriends and God. Yeah that's normal."

I nodded and shook my head, walking back into the kitchen. Cas was giving Chuck a look that could kill, as he shouted, "You had no right to bring up Dean's past in front of Sam. It was wrong because that wasn't your place Father, you had no fucking right. I love you and I spent years trying to believe in you and hoping that you could save me but I learned that the only people I could count on are the Winchester's and Gabriel and they are it. I am no longer the good little soldier that follows the rules that I should okay. I'm sorry if you think I am overstepping but when it comes to Dean I will always protect him no matter what."

I paused, took a deep breath, and went over to Cas. He sighed at me and nuzzled his nose gently into my neck taking a deep breath in through his nose. Right before Chuck spoke, "Castiel, You are right. I should not have brought up Dean's past. I understand that I am sorry. You have overstepped but I understand, I am sorry."

Cas sighed gently into my neck, "I wanna go to bed please Dea."

I nod and hug him softly, leading him back to our room. I gently laid down, pulling Cas with me and kissed his head. "You wanna talk Cas?'

Cas shook his head slightly, "Not really, there is nothing else to say. I am sorry Dean, I love you so much".

I smiled and kissed his lips, "I love you to Cas. It's okay, close your eyes and get some sleep okay Cas". Cas nodded and nuzzled his nose into my neck again, I felt his eyelids flutter closed and his breathing even out gently as he fell asleep. I smiled a little and stroked his hair softly, soon falling asleep myself. When I wake up, I feel Cas trying to break free of my arms so I let go and he practically bolts up and out of bed. I sit up and focus on him, to see he has been crying, is pale, and sweaty and I realize he has had another nightmare. I got up and went to his side, gently wrapping my arms around him, "Cas, you need to stop for a second and focus on me. I am right here Cas, nothing is going to hurt you anymore I promise. That's it Cas, listen to how I am breathing and breathe with me."

After a few minutes of Cas struggling to calm down, he finally calms a little and buries his face in my neck again. I gently pull him to the bed and sit down with him. "I'm sorry Dean, you shouldn't have to deal with this." Cas says to me with a quiet and broken voice.

I shake my head and stroke his hair gently, "Castiel, you mean so much to me and I want to deal with this because I love you. Now I am only going to suggest this once because I know you think you deserve these nightmares, but before you shoot me down please just listen to me. Cas when you have these nightmares it hurts me to see you like this, I have to watch the love of my life be scared anytime he closes his eyes and it hurts me so much, so I am going to ask only this one time, but please let Gabriel take the nightmares away."


	21. Snapping at God! Cas's POV

**Cas' P.O.V**

I look away from Dean, and bite my lip softly. "Okay Dean. I will talk to Gabriel in the morning about helping me with my nightmares."

Dean smiled a little and kissed my head, "Thank you Cas. C'mon let's lay down, you should try to sleep"

I shake my head and look at the clock to see it is about 3 am. "No it's fine. I am going to go to the library and read. You go ahead and sleep Dean I will be fine"

Dean sighs but nods, I get up and go to the library. I grab a book about sirens and sit down at the table. By about 5 am Sam comes into the library talking to Gabe. "My point is Gabe, is that Cas is your little brother and I get that you want to protect him but you cannot protect him from everything. Dean is going to take great care of him and once you get his grace back then he will be fine, Dean can seem like a selfish asshole sometimes but I know you know that isn't true. Unless he asks for you to take the nightmares away you can't just take them away because it isn't your call, it's his."

Gabe sighs softly, "I just, I know I abandoned him when he was a fledgling but, seeing him hurting sucks ass Sam. I heard him having another nightmare last night, I try to keep tabs on all of you guys at night and I could feel that he was having another nightmare and it hurt me."

Sam goes to say more before he spots me sitting at the table, and he puts on a smile, "Morning Cas. Where's Dean?"

I look up from my book, trying to pretend I wasn't listening to their conversation. "Sleeping still I imagine."

Gabe seems to be upset by my response and he looks at Sam and says, "Told you he wouldn't take care of him."

I slammed my book shut, anger filling into my chest. "He went back to sleep after he calmed me down! After I told him to go back to sleep because I didn't want to keep him up while I couldn't sleep. Damn it Gabriel get over yourself! You have no right to be a protective big brother to me! You lost that right the moment you left me alone as a fledgling with Lucifer who was falling apart! Dean can be an ass, and doesn't always get things but that is because of the shit he has been through in life. Dean isn't perfect, but guess what Gabe!? Neither are you so just shut the hell up!"

Sam and Gabe look at me shocked, and I just shake my head and make my way outside. I walk for a while out into the woods that surround the bunker and eventually my emotions take hold and my legs give out with exhaustion causing me to collapse. I start sobbing uncontrollably and curl up into a ball, just wishing that things were different. Soon I can't cry anymore and I stare at the sky as the sun comes up, I don't know how much longer I lay there before I feel Dean's arms wrap around me. Eventually I meet his eyes and his smile makes me feel calm and warm inside, "Hey Cas. Do you want to go inside?"

I shake my head a little, "I don't want to talk to Gabriel or my Father. Honestly I don't want to talk at all I just want to be here with you."

Dean nodded gently and kissed my head. "Okay Cas, we can stay right here."

Two more hours pass before Dean's stomach growls breaking the silence between us and I laugh. "C'mon Dean. You need food so let's go eat okay."

Dean nods, gets up before helping me up and we walk back to the bunker. Once we are inside I look at one of the clocks to see that it is about 9 am. Dean and I walk into the kitchen, make ourselves some breakfast before sitting down at the large island. It only takes about 20 minutes before Chuck comes in, I ignore him and focus on eating my food and looking at Dean. Eventually he says, "You know Castiel, Gabriel does not mean harm. He simply worries."

I bite the inside of my cheek and take a breath before saying, "He lost that right, and in all honesty Chuck so did you. You have been absent for longer than Gabriel has, I have had it with you trying to be a loving protective father."

Chuck looks at me with wide eyes, Dean's eyes are wide as well and he takes my hand, "Cas are you okay. I've never seen you acting like this."

I nod, "I am fine Dean. I am just fed up. If you need me I will be going to my own room. I would like to be alone right now."

I ignore Dean's look and rush into my bedroom, anxiety filling my chest. I can tell something is wrong with me, but I can't figure out what is going on.


	22. What is going on with Cas? Dean's POV

**Dean's P.O.V**

I watch as Cas practically runs away and I just want to run after him. I softly say, "What in the hell is going on with you Cas."

Chuck speaks, causing me to jump a little since I forgot he was in the room. "Something is not right with Castiel, I need to go and check over him."

I shake my head, "No, for right now he needs space. Confronting him right now is only going to piss him off more. I can't tell you what's going on but I can tell you he needs to be alone right now and that is what I am giving him." Chuck sighs but nods, and then walks out. Just as Chuck leaves Gabriel walks in, looking very defeated and low. "Hey Gabe."

He glances up at me, shakes his head and then gets into the fridge grabbing some fruit, just as I am about to say something Sam softly tells me, "Since Cas yelled at him this morning this is how he has been. What is going on with your boyfriend dude?"

I shake my head a bit, "I have no idea Sam. He even yelled at God dude, GOD. Okay do you know if anyone would have yelled at God first, I figured it would have been me."

Sam looked at me shocked, "He yelled at Chuck. What about?"

I shrugged, "About the fact that he had no right to worry about him because he had been an absent father and been gone for longer than Gabe was gone."

Sam nodded, "Similar to the speech he gave Gabe about how he had left him forever ago."

I nodded, "Yeah I guess. I don't understand what's wrong with him Sam. I have never seen Cas act like this, at least not since the couple of months after he pulled me from hell after Heaven reamed his ass you know. And even then he wouldn't have acted like this towards Gabriel or Chuck. It doesn't make sense to me".

Sam nods, "I'm guessing he has asked you to give him some space?"

I nod, "He even went to his own room. In a few hours I will go check on him but until then I'd leave him be."

Sam nodded gently and then went to grab Gabe's hand, the two walked out into the library Gabe being unusually silent. I went to my room to find Cas curled up in a ball crying. I went to his side and rubbed his back, "Hey babe. What's going on?' Cas shook his head and pulled away from me, hurt filled my chest but I ignored it, right now Cas was the most important. "Cas talk to me please?"

He gently untucked his face from his arms and he stared at me, his blue eyes red from tears. "I don't know what's wrong Dean… I don't understand what is wrong". I could hear the anxiety in Cas' tone and I gently took his hand.

"Could it be lack of sleep?" I asked softly. He quickly shook his head, that's when I noticed his eyes were practically glued to my lips, before I could say anything about it Cas was suddenly on top of me kissing me like he couldn't get enough. His hands roaming over my body quickly, like he couldn't figure out where to put them.

 **MATURE CONTENT, PAIN FETISH**

Soon before I could realize he had done it, he had unbuttoned my pants and untucked my shirt. He slipped his hand underneath my boxers and his finger teased along my semi-hard cock, I moaned out suddenly. He pulled from the kiss just long enough to take my shirt off, as well as his own, then he worked my pants off of me. He was panting over me once we were both naked, and I could feel his body shaking with anticipation but something felt wrong. I pulled away from his kiss, "Cas wait,"

He growled a little, "Dean shut up. Just want to fuck you okay that's all I want right now"

I nodded a little and he kissed me again, and situated himself over my cock. He slowly pushed me inside of him, and I quickly realized he had not used any lube or prepped himself, I looked at his face to see pain so clear. "Cas, Fuck y...you should stop you are hurting yourself". He ignored me and kept going until I was fully inside him. I let out a loud gasp once my cock was fully sheathed inside his hole, he quickly started to ride me hard. It didn't take long for me to be on the edge of orgasm, so I reached between us and took his cock in my hand. It only took a few more thrusts for his ass to spasm around my cock, sending me quickly over the edge and I thrust up hard into his ass and we called each other's names out at the same time. He soon collapsed onto my chest, panting hard and he whimpered a little. I could tell he had hurt himself and I was partly angry at him for using me to hurt himself, "What the hell was that Cas?"

He buried his face in my neck and stayed silent for a good few minutes before softly saying, "I just wanted to feel something, I just needed to feel something."

I sighed and wrapped my arms gently around him, "We should go shower Cas." He nodded lightly against my neck, slowly pulling my now flaccid cock out of him with a whimper. He gets up and goes to the bathroom that is attached to my room, I follow him and noticed blood running down his leg. "Cas you're bleeding…" He looked down and saw the blood, but he had such a distant look in his eyes, and he just got into the shower. I followed him, softly turning the water to a good temperature and before cleaning myself I up I worked on Cas. Eventually he just sat down at the corner of the shower, once I cleaned myself up I kneeled down in front of Cas and gently cupped his cheek, "Cas talk to me, what is going on with you?"

Cas softly shook his head, but didn't say anything, worry flared through me hard and I was partly scared for Cas. I cleaned the two of us up and turned the water off, before grabbing some of my pajama pants and putting them on Cas, he helped but other than that he seemed like he was closed off completely. I let Cas lay down and got myself dressed before going to find Chuck, who was talking with Gabriel in the library. "What the hell is going on with Cas?"

Chuck and Gabe both looked up at me, but it was Gabe that spoke, "Honestly Dean, we aren't sure. What happened?" I bit my lip a bit, not really wanting to talk about our sex life but I sighed and did it anyways, after telling them about what just happened Gabriel was obviously pissed off at me, "Why the hell didn't you stop him!?"

"He begged me, I just wanted to help him feel better." I snapped back at Gabriel, I was pissed at myself for letting Cas do that to himself.

Before Gabe or I can yell at each other Chuck intervenes by forcing our mouths shut, "That is enough from the both of you. Right now we need to focus on Castiel, something is wrong with him and unless I do a proper examination I can not figure out what that is. So you two are going to sit here silently while I go check on Castiel." Unable to talk or move I watch as Chuck leaves and I look at Gabriel who has his eyes narrowed at me.


	23. I'm sorry what? Cas's POV

**Cas' POV**

I curled up in Dean's bed, softly taking in Dean's scent which seemed to help make me feel calm, I knew something was wrong with me and I knew it was scaring Dean, when Dean told me I had made myself bleed I didn't care. I close my eyes and try to ignore the faint sounds of Dean and Gabriel yelling before suddenly they are both quiet, I assume it is Chuck that does it, and just as I am about to fall asleep someone lightly knocks on the door, "Castiel, I am coming in." I bite back the groan and pretend to be asleep, Chuck comes in and I feel the bed dip gently as he sits next to me, he softly touches my head and I feel him prodding at my mind gently, after a few minutes I hear Chuck gasp, "Oh Dear. That is interesting."

I can't help but open my eyes and look at Chuck who looks kinda shocked, "Father?"

Chuck looks at me, "Come Castiel, I have figured out what is wrong with you but I believe we should have this discussion with Dean present."

I look at Chuck with confusion but I nod a little, "Yes father."

We make our way to the library where Dean and Gabriel are sitting with their mouths shut and not moving, I realize Chuck has done this and anger rises up in me a little but I stomp it down, as soon as we enter the room both Dean and Gabriel are able to talk and move again. Dean rushes over to me and hugs me, I can practically feel the worry radiating off of him, I smile a little, "Hello Dean."

Dean smiles, "Hey Cas." He then looks at Chuck, "So… what is going on?"

Chuck nods, "I believe you should both sit down. Gabriel you are to go to heaven and retrieve Castiel's grace from Metatron now."

Gabe nods and disappears with a flutter of wings. Once Dean and I sit down Chuck sits across from us, "I have figured out what is wrong with Castiel,"

Dean nods, "Yeah you said that bit already. Mind informing the rest of the class."

Chuck rolls his eyes, "Somehow, you are pregnant Castiel. The bit of grace you have left has formed a small womb around the child but it is wearing out, it's why you have been so angry. Your grace is wearing out because it is trying to contain a child. Which is why I have asked Gabriel to go retrieve your remaining grace so you can bring this child to term, and it should regulate your emotions."

Suddenly next to me Dean laughed hard, "Haha Yeah right! Cas is a dude! He can't get pregnant"

Chuck shook his head, "Castiel's vessel is a male, but all angels have no actual gender, they can all have children Dean."

I sat there with my mouth wide open in shock, I looked down at my hands and closed my eyes, "I thought it would have to happen if I let my grace out or something."

Chuck sighed, "If you were full angel yes, but you aren't. Essentially you are human except for the bit of grace. So your grace didn't know that it shouldn't do what it did."

Dean scoffed, "Bullshit. You are both fucking insane if you think I believe this bullshit." Hurt flared through my chest and made my chest tighten, I bit back the tears and listened to Dean push his chair back so hard it clattered to the ground "This is fucking bullshit! YOu can't be pregnant Cas!"

Instead of saying anything I let Dean leave, I heard the garage door open and the impala start up and drive away. My throat tightens the further away Dean is and I start to sob hard. I feel myself be transported to Dean's room but being in Dean's room just makes everything hurt so much more and the sobs are uncontrollable.


	24. Cas's Favorite place, Dean's POV

**Dean's POV**

I drive out of the garage as fast as I can, Chuck's words spinning around in my head and I just drive as far and as fast as I can. It's two hours before I hear my cellphone ringing and I pick it up, the caller ID says Sam and I answer it, "What Sam".

"Cas is gone Dean. After you left Chuck zapped him back to your room then he disappeared. Chuck can't find him and Gabe just got back from heaven." Sam said, panic evident in his voice.

Panic and fear flared through my chest but before I could say anything another voice came over the line, "Dean, if Cas used that bt of grace he has inside him to do this, he may have killed the baby and maybe even himself. We need you back here so we can find him."

I knew the voice was Chuck's and when he mentioned the baby everything in my mind came crashing to a halt and I realized how badly I just hurt Cas. "Oh fuck. I have an idea where he might be. He told me if anything ever happened he'd go to his favorite place. I think he is in Lawrence. I am only ten minutes past Lawrence so I am heading there. If I need you I will call but let me find him first."

Chuck replied, "Do so quickly Dean."

I nodded and hung up the phone doing a harsh u-turn and earning a few honks from pissed off drivers but I ignored them and sped back to Lawrence. I remember Cas telling me his favorite place was our family home so I head straight there. When I pull up in front I realize no one lives here right now so I turn of the car and run inside, I go straight to my old room and find Cas, pale, and hardly breathing, "Shit Cas!" Cas' eyes open blearily, but they don't really focus. I kneel next to Cas and gently pick him up, laying him down on the bed that was left by previous owners. "Hey Cas, it's okay. I've got you, you are going to be okay. I'm going to call Sammy okay."

Cas didn't respond and his eyes shut again, but he was still breathing, so I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and called Sam, who answered "Dean? Did you find him?"

"Yeah I did. He is in really bad shape Sam. We are in my old room at our old house, tell Chuck and Gabe now. I don't think he is going to last very long." I let the fear and anxiety flood through me and quickly hung up and made Cas wake up, "Hey, Hey Cas stay with me. Okay keep those gorgeous blue eyes open okay."

Just as I finished saying that I heard a flutter of wings and Gabriel was next to me, holding a glowing vile. "Cas open your mouth"

When Cas didn't respond Gabriel did it for him and took the lid of the vile, letting the grace go inside Cas' mouth. Suddenly I was zapped to Sammy's old nursery and I heard a loud bang, I ran back to my old room where Cas was standing, he was shaking pretty bad but he looked much better. "Cas,"

Cas' eyes went from Gabriel to me, and I saw the hurt flash through them, and he softly said, "Hello Dean. I am no longer pregnant…"

I could hear the devastation in Cas' voice and it hurt me to, "What?"

Gabe interjected but he wasn't being an ass, "When he tapped into his grace to get here, it took away what the fetus needed and it died."

Tears filled my eyes and I went over to Cas and hugged him tightly, "I am so sorry Cas, I didn't want that. I swear to Chuck I didn't. Oh this is all my fault Cas, I shouldn't have left."

I could feel Cas's body was rigid, and when I looked at his face it was stone and cold, I knew he was shutting down, "Cas, please don't do this."

Cas lightly stepped away from me, "I should go Dean. Heaven is open again."

I frowned, "No, no Cas please don't. Please I am sorry Cas."

Cas nodded to Gabriel before disappearing with a flutter of wings, a choked sob forced it's way out of my throat, "CAS!"

Gabe sighed a little, "Dean, you need to give him some space."

Before I realized I had done it I lunged at Gabriel and started hitting him, surprisingly he let me without trying to stop me. Suddenly Chuck pulled me off Gabriel and I realized I was crying. I was shaking hard with anger and sadness. "That is enough Dean." And I realized we were back inside the bunker, I shook my head and went to my room grabbing a bottle of bourbon on my way.


	25. Cas left Dean, Sam's POV

**Sam's POV**

I went to the kitchen to talk to Gabe when I heard his wings flutter back. Dean nearly ran into me and ignored me when I tried to say something to him. I went to the room where Gabe and Chuck were softly talking, "Cas is depressed Dad, he was pregnant, I remember when he was a fledgling that he wanted kids. He thought babies were adorable, and then Dean ran off, it hurt yeah but when I told him I couldn't feel the presence of the child anymore he sobbed until Dean came in, its like when Luce yelled at him, his whole demeanor changed in an instant. But I couldn't hate Dean at that moment because I saw that sudden change hurt Dean."

Chuck sighed, "I understand Gabriel, but why did you let him attack you. It would have been no problem to stop him."

Gabe sighed, "He needed to lash out, I know its what Dean does. That is what he needed and I let him have that, Sam would have done it."

Chuck sighs but nods, "Yes,"

I softly clear my throat, making both Gabe and Chuck look at me "Hey guys…"

Gabe smiles, but it just doesn't reach his eyes, "Heya Moose."

I laugh a bit despite the craziness that is going on with my family right now. "Wanna tell me what happened?" Gabe sighed but explained, "Oh jeez, poor Dean… I should go check on him."

Gabe nodded and let me go check on Dean, I knocked on Dean's door lightly, "Dean, hey its me…"

Dean opened the door and let me in, he was holding a half empty bottle of bourbon. "What do you want Sam…"

I sighed a little bit, "To see how you are doing Dean ,"

Dean scoffed a little, "Great, found out the love of my life is pregnant, when all I wanted was kids, but I freak out and run off… He taps into the little bit of grace and not only nearly kills himself but he kills the baby… and then he gets his fucking grace back and he leaves me…. Exactly what I was scared of happening in the damned first place…"

I softly sigh and touch Dean's shoulder, "Dean, Cas found out he was pregnant and then subsequently lost the baby that same day… he is shutting down because he can't properly process this right now. Just let him process it Dean, okay"

Dean rolls his eyes, "Sound like your stupid boyfriend."

I sigh, "Because Gabe was right Dean. we both know that Cas was not adjusting well to being human, and then he found out he was pregnant, what do you think that did to him, and no offense you ran off., it crushed him. How do you honestly expect him to process all this?"

Dean growled, "Fuck off Sam!"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, "Okay whatever Dean." I then left and went to my room where Gabe was sitting on my bed.

I sighed heavily and cuddled into Gabe. "Hey Sammy…."

I closed my eyes, "Hey Gabe…"

Gabe kissed me softly, "You okay…"

I nodded, "Yeah just, stressed out about everything… Worried about Dean, and I am worried about Cas".

Gabe nodded, "I know Sam, I am to… especially Cas,"

I nod and lay my head down on my pillow, closing my eyes.


	26. I just want it to end Cas's POV

**SELF HARMING, POSSIBLE TRIGGER FOR SOME.**

 **Cas's POV**

After leaving Dean I didn't go to Heaven, I went to Alaska, the woods were beautiful. I gently sat down against a tree and curled up, sobbing. I summoned my angel blade and looked at it, wanting to to just stab myself in the chest. I closed my eyes and put it against my wrist and softly slit it, the pain felt really good and made me relax. I gently closed my eyes and relaxed, I used my hand and healed the cut. Before I could realize it I was cutting my wrist again, and again and again. I was panting hard with pain, and closed my eyes whimpering, I could feel part of my grace leaking out and I was ready to let myself die. However I could suddenly feel someone healing me completely, "NO! LET ME DIE!"

Chuck's voice was soft, "Shh, my son it is okay. You are okay now, you are okay my son. Castiel, stop struggling for a moment." I closed my eyes, no longer moving as Chuck asked. When he touched my forehead he smiled a little, "Son you are still pregnant. The life was simply weakened, and it was hidden under more grace therefore he could not see it. It is there son,"

My heart leaped up into my throat, "A...are you sure father?"

Chuck softly laid his hand on my stomach lightly, before nodding. "Yes Castiel I am positive. Come you need to talk to Dean."

I closed my eyes and nodded, tears fell from my eyes and I let them. As an angel I could stop it but right now I wanted to just feel. Chuck transported us back to the bunker and part of me wanted to run and never come back, not to see Dean since I knew I hurt him. Chuck walked with me to Dean's room, and I knocked gently on the door. Dean opened the door and smiled a little, "Mmm heeyyyaaaCassieee" Surprisingly enough Dean was utterly wasted, it was rare that Dean could get that drunk.

"Dean you are intoxicated," I said softly.

Dean laughed, "And you left me Cas! So who fucking cares if I get drunk… not like the guy I love cares"

Dean's words hurt like hell but I ignored them, and helped Dean into bed. He groaned and tried to push me off, "Shh, go to sleep Dean."

I gently pressed my fingers to his forehead and he passed out, I closed my eyes with tears in my eyes, after shaking my head I pull a blanket over Dean, laying down with him and gently pulling him close to me. I healed the drunkenness and gently watched over him as he slept, Dean slept 8 hours before he groaned and shifted as he woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me, his eyes actually connecting with my own now. "Cas…"

I nodded a bit, "Yes Dean…"

Dean softly pulled away and bit his lip, running a hand through his hair, "I, I am so sorry Cas… When I left it wasn't cause I didn't want a baby, believe me I want a baby more than anything, I always wanted kids Cas, it just freaked me the hell out so I left… I thought, I don't know. When Sam called me to tell me you were missing I realized I had royally fucked up, When I found you… near dead in my old room I just, I couldn't take it. When you told me you lost the baby, I could hear the devastation in your voice Cas,"

I softly got into Dean's lap and gently tipped his chin up and kissed him, and then nodded, "I was devastated… I tried to… I used my angel blade and cut my wrists… alot… Chuck, I guess felt me dying and stopped me. He healed me and then he told me, that I was still pregnant. Gabriel just had a harder time finding it since my grace had wrapped around the baby to protect it."

Dean's eyes got wide and they were bright with tears, he softly choked out, "Really?"

I smiled a bit and nodded, "Yeah,"

Dean pulled my lips to his and kissed me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Oh thank Chuck. Seriously Cas I am so excited, but wait, isn't it considered nephilim…"

I nodded, "Yes the baby will be nephilim, but if Father takes the angels back to heaven then it won't matter. Plus Father seemed pleased with my pregnancy so I do not imagine him allowing an angel to try to destroy it."

Dean nodded and rubbed at the back of his neck, which I knew was something he did when he was stressed, "We should talk to him to make sure Cas."

I nod, "Course Dean. We should go let Gabriel and Sam know you are okay as am I."

Dean nodded but when I went to move he stopped me, "Cas, are you okay? I mean you said you tried to kill yourself."

I closed my eyes, "I feel better now. I was mad at myself, for killing the baby and mad at you for leaving. I don't know right now honestly Dean. "

Dean gently nodded and kissed me, "I am so sorry Cas, I am not leaving you Cas, but I need to ask you something."

I nodded a little gently, "Of course Dean."

He took a deep breath, "Are you going to go back to heaven…"

I shook my head, "No Dean, in fact I never went to heaven. I couldn't, it hurt too much to go to heaven. I went to Alaska to be by myself,"

Dean pulled me softly into his chest and kissed me gently, "Cas don't forget that I am always here for you okay. You can talk to me about anything."

I nodded, "I understand. We should go talk to Sam and Gabriel."

Dean nods, "Gabriel was really worried about you"

I slowly stand up and walk with Dean out into the kitchen where Sam and Gabriel are sitting at the table talking quietly amongst themselves. I relax when I can see Gabriel's true form, and Sam's soul again. Gabriel senses me and looks up, "Cas"

I nod a bit, "Hello brother." Dean softly brushes by me and goes to the coffee pot and pours himself a cup.

Sam is clearly confused as to why Dean doesn't have a throbbing hangover, so I softly say, "I healed him."

Gabe seems to notice something and walks over to me, "Cas can I talk to you a second?" After I nod Gabriel pulls me into the library.


	27. Wing Etiquette Gabe's POV

**Gabe's POV**

I noticed the scars on Cas's grace, when an angel was injured as deep as their grace it would leave marks, only visible to other angels but still, they were there. Anger hit me first, and I glared at Cas, "What the hell did you do?"

Cas was confused at first, before realization hit him and he looked down, "It is not of import brother."

I shook my head, "Oh bullshit on that Cas! You cut yourself at least twenty times with a damn angel blade! What the hell were you thinking?"

A dangerous and dark look crossed Cas' face and he said, "I was thinking I had no one left, I was thinking I had just lost a child, I was thinking that Dean would leave me anyways because I lost his son, I WAS THINKING I WAS DONE!"

I flinched as Cas's wings stretched out in a show of power, mine instinctively flared as well, obviously showing my dominance as I am an archangel while Cas is just a seraph, and normally Cas would lower his wings but he refused. Suddenly Chuck's voice broke through our ears, "Gabriel, Castiel that is enough. You are letting your grace out of your vessels and had I not transported you to outside you could have killed your humans." Cas and I both retracted our wings and noticed we were indeed outside of the bunker, Cas was breathing a little harshly. Chuck stepped between us and looked at me and then Cas, "Go inside Castiel, rest with Dean. I need to speak to Gabriel."

Cas clearly wants to argue but he decides better against it and goes inside. I sigh gently and run my hand through my hair and look at Chuck, "I will assume this is about Lucifer and Micheal."

Chuck nodded, "After personally speaking with Lucifer and Michael I believe they are safe to be released if they stay in heaven. They will not be allowed to take a vessel on earth I will ensure it."

I nodded, "Good. Dad, Cas is worried you will consider his child Nephilim,"

Chuck laughed, "That is something that got twisted after I left. I loved Nephilim, it proved an angel love for humanity, it was love personified. Only an angel that was truly in love with the human could produce Nephilim. No one will be after Castiel's child, once Michael and Lucifer are in heaven, no one will be permitted to leave heaven with my consent, and I will fix the Nephilim issue."

I relaxed a bit, "Good, not that I wouldn't protect me niece or nephew, I just didn't want them to have to be on the run all their life."

Chuck nodded softly, "I know son. Gabriel, you have a potential to get pregnant, your love for Sam is pure. It may not be for another few months because your Grace is still getting used to existing again."

The news jarred me a little but nodded, "Thank you father, Should Castiel and I return to heaven when you order all angels back or are we exempt?"

Chuck's eyes went serious again, "I will require the presence of you and Castiel, as well as the Winchester's. It will be shown to everyone that You are all to be safe."

I smirked, "Understood pops. How long?"

Chuck rolled his eyes, "Three days on Earth."

I nodded and then went inside and straight to Sam's room, Sam was laying in his bed staring up at his ceiling. I knocked gently and he sat up and smiled, "Hey Gabe. You wanna tell me what that was with Cas?"

I nodded and climbed into bed with Sam, "Cas instincts kicked in, his wings popped out, theres a lot that goes into wing etiquette. Cas is a Seraph, I am an archangel, I have 3 sets of wings, while Cassie has only one. When he spread his wings in a sign of defense, I reacted and my wings spread out to, normally a low seraph would instantly hide their wings, but Cas refused. I only just realized he didn't because he is pregnant so his grace was being protective. We were letting our grace out of our vessels on accident, speaking of which, are you okay. It's one thing for an angel like Cas but I am much stronger."

Sam nodded, "Chuck had you guys outside before anything actually happened."

"Good, speaking of dad. In three days, he is letting Lucifer, and Michael out of the cage, and calling all angels to heaven. He wants me and Cas there, but he also wants you and Dean there." I watched Sam tense but he recovered quickly.

Sam nodded, "Okay, Dean may not be so happy though."


	28. Father's Announcment Cas' POV

**Cas's POV**

I curled gently into Dean's chest, and Dean was running his fingers through my hair occasionally scraping my scalp, it was incredibly relaxing and I could feel myself begin to doze off, and instead of fighting it, like I might have before I let myself fall asleep. When I woke up I could sense it had been approximately 8 hours, I looked around and found Dean lying in bed next to me sleeping pretty heavily. I smiled and gently climbed out of the bed, made my way to the kitchen where Sam was up pouring himself some coffee. "Good Morning Sam,"

Sam jumped a little but nodded, "Morning Cas, where is Dean?"

"When I left the bedroom he was still sleeping rather deeply," I said as I grabbed a snack from the fridge. Sam nodded his head, and then yawned loudly, rubbed at his eyes and sat down at the table. I realized I couldn't sense Gabriel or Chuck, "Where is Gabriel and Chuck?"

Sam's eyes flickered something I couldn't read but he said, "They had to go do something."

I realized it must have had something to do with the cage, and just as I was about to continue I heard our father's voice over angel radio, "My Children, I have returned. I ask you all to return to heaven in three days earth time."

There was a wave of excitement that rang out, yells of love and cheer that our father was back. I didn't notice I had collapsed until Dean's voice cut through, "CAS! Cas, are you okay! Cas!"

Finally, I locked eyes with Dean, and I could feel the panic pulsing off him, I just smile a bit. "I am okay Dean, I am sorry I scared you, Father sent a message over Angel radio and the love, and excitement that rang out was overwhelming. Not to mention the wave of grace leaving earth, so many angels instantly left their vessels on earth and went home."

Dean's posture relaxed a little and he nodded, "Jesus fuck Cas, you scared the shit out of me." Sam handed Dean a washcloth and Dean rubbed at my eyes, when he pulled it away there was blood, that was to much for my vessel. "What's with the bleeding eyes and ears Cas?"

"The energy was to much for my vessel, had Jimmy Novak still been alive, he would have been killed by that." I said, rather nonchalantly.

Dean's eyes flickered with something even I didn't recognize but he nodded, "Well is the baby okay?"

I could now feel the child that was sitting in my grace, and I nodded a little, "Yes our son is fine."


	29. It's a boy? Dean's POV

**Dean's POV**

When Cas said son excitement filled my chest but I stopped it before I could let it get to much, "Son? Are you sure it's a boy Cas?"

Cas nodded and looked at his abdomen, where there was a very slight bump, "I can feel its chromosomes, it is an X and a Y. So it is most definitely a son."

I felt myself smiling like an idiot and kissed Cas suddenly, placing my hand on his stomach and laughing with tears in my eyes. This was something I never thought I'd get to have. Yeah I loved Lisa and Ben, but Ben wasn't my son, shit why did I have to think about Lisa and Ben right now. Sam's voice broke through my hectic thoughts, "Gabe shut up. Dean found out he is having a son, so he is excited."

I looked up to see Gabe roll his eyes, "Doesn't mean he needs to show it off."

Sam scoffed, "Gabe you would be doing the same damn thing. Now we should talk to Cas and Dean."

Cas's body tensed, I helped him up off the floor and looked between Sam and Gabriel, it was Gabe who spoke up. "Cas I know you heard Dad. We are required back in heaven, Dad is working on unlocking the Cage, but it is taking him some time. When we return to heaven Lucifer and Michael will be returning as well, Dad wants Sam and Dean there as well."

Before I could say anything against it, Cas spoke up. "No, Dean and Sam will be killed! As will I, especially since I am carrying a Nephilim!" Cas was about to walk off when Gabe stopped him.

"Cas, they will be protected by us, and Dad. Dad doesn't see Nephilim as the abomination. I guess it got twisted after he left, but Nephilim he sees as-" Gabe was talking but then Chuck cut in.

He smiled at me, "Son Nephilim can only be created out of pure love and adoration for the human. Which is exactly what I told you all to do, love humanity more than me. Nephilim are proof of pure love, and can only be created out of that, so why would I see that as an abomination?"

I relaxed, not having to worry about my son, but then I remembered what Gabe said about Michael and Lucifer, "I don't want anything to do with Michael and Lucifer, I don't want to go to heaven."

Chuck shook his head, "You will be in heaven. Michael and Lucifer both wish to speak with you. You will be protected by me."

I shook my head, "No, I do not want to be any where near those dickbags! You wanna let them out fine, I can't tell you any different. But I do not want to speak to them."

Sam's voice cut into me like a knife, "I think we should at least hear them out Dean." I felt like I had just been thrown into ice water. I shook my head and stormed off to my room. I had no interest in talking about that bull shit anymore. I heard Cas following behind me and I expected him to say something but he just stayed quiet to let me be pissed.


	30. Sexy Time Cas' POV

**Cas' POV**

 **(SO MATURE CONTENT, NOT AN AMAZING SEX SCENE BUT YEAH)**

I could see that Dean was angry, the emotion was practically oozing out of him, instead of trying to argue I just stayed near him and sent soothing energy towards him. After a few hours of Dean hitting random punching bags in the gym he had mostly calmed down, I softly took his hand "Come on Dean. Let's go rest."

Dean softly mumbled, "You don't need to sleep anymore."

I nodded, "I may not need to but as an angel I can stop the nightmares on my own and I enjoy sleeping."

Dean smiled a little and then we made our way to Dean's room, once we were in Dean's room Dean turned around and kissed me roughly, I groaned into the kiss and arched into him a bit. I felt Dean smirk into the kiss and he ground his erection into my hip, I moaned out gently and kissed Dean back. He slipped his hand into my pants and rubbed my erection gently with his fingers softly, Dean smiled. "Cas I want you. Please let me fuck you?"

I nodded and kissed Dean again, "Please fuck me Dean, I miss having you inside of me."

Dean smiled and we both stripped our clothes quickly and Dean laid me down in his bed. He reached over me and grabbed the lube sitting on the side table, and slicked his cock up then rubbed his cock against my hole softly. Gently slipping inside of me, Dean groaned in pleasure as he bottomed out inside me. I closed my eyes and moaned out arching up into him, "Oh God Cas you feel so fucking amazing."

I winced when Dean said Cas and softly whimpered, "D…don't say my f…father's name w…while you are fucking me p…please Dean."

Dean frowned and licked along my neck, "Sorry Cas, I didn't mean to."

I nodded and moaned as Dean's mouth closed around my nipple and he keeps fucking me. After twenty minutes Dean's thrusts got harder and they got sloppy, we were both on edge and I arched into him, "Dean, shit I am, I am going to cum. I can't hold i..it in much longer."

Dean nodded and thrusted hard into me, he reached down and rubbed my erection fast. After two thrusts I cried out in pleasure and cam all over myself and Dean, and I felt Dean's cock twitching inside me as he groaned loudly, and his hands tightened on my hips, if I was still human he would likely leave bruises on my hips. Dean collapsed on top of me and stroked a hand through my hair, "That was amazing Cas. I love being inside of you…"

I nodded, and ran my hands gently over Dean's back. I finally said softly, "Dean I am going to heaven in a couple days, I don't want to leave you alone, I know you hate Michael and Lucifer but they want to speak with us and I believe we should listen."

Dean sighs heavily and closed his eyes, "Fine, I don't like it at all but I will do it alright Cas."

I nodded, and held Dean after he pulled out of me and laid his head on my chest. After a bit, I felt Dean's body relax and his breathing evened out, I watched over him as he slept, I wanted to try sleeping but I loved to watch Dean sleep, it was soothing. After 6 hours Dean groaned, stirred, and nuzzled his nose into me. "Though you were gunna sleep Cas?"

I laughed a little, "Yes well, I like watching you sleep, I find it relaxing."

Dean groaned and sat up, "It is still creepy that you watch me sleep Cas."

I rolled my eyes, "It is not Dean, I think it should be comforting, your mother would tell you angels watched over you and you always slept better."

Dean tensed a little but sighed, "Can we not talk about my mom…"

I frowned, "Of course Dean I am sorry."


	31. Time to go to Heaven Sam's POV

**Sam's POV**

 ** _TWO DAYS LATER_**

Gabe, Cas, Dean and I are sitting in the library, waiting for Chuck to call the angels to heaven. Cas tensed up and held his head, "Cas you okay?" Dean asked as he touched Cas' shoulder.

Gabe nodded, "He is fine, Our father is calling us back and the angels are excited. Alright boys, hang on to your britches okay we are making a trip to heaven."

Dean sighed and then Cas and Gabe grabbed our shoulder, and with a flutter of wings we were in heaven. It seemed colder than I remembered so I looked at Gabe, whose eyes were focused on a corridor farther down. "Come on guys, we are meeting with father, Lucifer and Michael before dad talks to the rest of heaven."

I could practically feel Dean's anger but I followed Gabriel and Cas took Dean's hand pulling him along. As we made our way to the room Gabe's body seemed to tense and I could tell he was nervous about seeing Lucifer again. Gabe lead us into the room and I saw Lucifer first, he was appearing in his old meat suit before me, Chuck looked up from Lucifer and Michael and smiled, "Gabriel, Castiel, Samuel, Dean. Welcome to heaven again."

Lucifer turned around and I saw a smile that made my stomach drop but I ignored it, Michael was appearing in the form of our Father when he was younger. "Hello Sam, Dean, Cas, and Gabriel. So Sam, I would like to apologise for many things."

I nodded, "So I am told."

Lucifer nodded, "I was angry, and I wanted revenge against Michael for casting me out, wanted to destroy daddy's toys."

I nodded and cut in, "So how do we know you aren't going to try and start the apocalypse again?"

Lucifer shrugged, "Because I have no interest in that anymore, I want to be here in heaven, helping straighten things out."

I felt Gabe's hand take mine and I relaxed a little with Gabe by my side I felt better. Dean looked at Michael, "Of all fucking people to make yourself look like you choose my fucking father. Really?"

Michael rolled his eyes, "You are so intolerable Dean, Your father was the simplest thing for me to appear as."

Dean growled, "I swear to fucking hell I hate you."

Cas sighed "Dean please,"

Lucifer looked over at Cas and smiled, "Castiel, hello baby brother… I see you have finally hooked up with Dean."


	32. Lucifer's Apology Dean's POV

Dean's POV

I watched Cas tense up a little, "I have fallen in love with Dean yes."

Lucifer smiled a little, "I know Castiel, sorry I was only teasing brother."

Cas nodded and then stepped closer to Lucifer, I felt myself tense up, I didn't know what Lucifer might do. I watched as Lucifer gently pulled Cas close to him and Cas actually relaxed. I could see how Cas looked up to Lucifer, Lucifer seemed to relax a little as well. "I am glad you have given up your crusade brother."

Lucifer nodded a little, "I am as well. It is good to see you Castiel. I sense you are with child? Congratulations brother."

Cas smiled a little and nodded, "Yes I am expecting a child. It is a son,"

Lucifer smiled gently, then looked at me. "Dean, congratulations on the child. I am sorry for what happened with Sam, and killing Cas and Bobby Singer. As I said I was angry and I acted like a petulant child."

Despite not wanting to forgive him, I could see how Cas looked up to him so I nodded. "I am not going to say I forgive you but I will let things go."

Cas smiled a little and looked at me with pure love that made my insides warm. I noticed Gabriel had stayed silent through the whole thing so I looked over at Gabe, who was standing silently by the door leaning against the door. Sam went over to Gabe and whispered something making Gabe smile and kiss Sam's cheek, "Alright everyone. It is time we go to speak with the rest of heaven." Chuck said from the corner.

I sighed, but nodded. "Okay fine."

Three hours later, after arguments and objections from many of the angels, Gabe and Cas took us back to the bunker. Cas nearly collapsed and I just happened to catch him. "Cas what the hell. You okay?"

Cas closed his eyes and held his head, "I… I don't know."

Gabe moved over to Cas and touched his head, "The baby grew faster while we were in heaven, its taking part of your grace so flying took energy you didn't quite have."

Cas groaned a little shakily, "I do not feel very well Gabriel, I think I am going to be sick."

I grabbed a trash can I was near and took it over to Cas, "Easy Cas." Cas groaned and suddenly threw up into the trash can, hardly throwing up anything since he hasn't actually eaten in a few days. I rubbed his back gently as he heaved. Soon he finished and closed his eyes curling against my chest a little, "It's okay Cas, I've got you alright."

Gabe looked at Cas with worry, "You are sick Cas, what can I do."

Cas closed his eyes and shook his head, "My body is not doing well with the pregnancy, and as my grace wraps around the child it is no longer focusing on mainting my vessel with non essential things."

I stroked a hand through Cas' hair gently, "So basically you are having morning sickness?"

Cas nodded, "Yes I believe that is the correct term. It is not essential to keep me from feeling sick, I feel tired so I am going to guess I will need to sleep and eat again."

I sighed a little and kissed Cas' head, "C'mon you need some rest. We can talk more tomorrow okay. You were up for hours before we went to heaven cause you were nervous." With no help from Sam or Gabe I picked up Cas and took him to our room, laying down in bed with him. Soon enough Cas was asleep, and it didn't take me long to fall asleep either.


	33. The baby is here! Dean's POV

**Two Weeks Later**

I was waiting outside Cas' old room while Gabriel delivered my son through a c-section, When Gabe told me he had to cut into Cas' grace to bring the baby into this world I remember being scared as hell. I looked up as Gabriel let me in, there was so much blood and Cas was extremely pale and laying there limply, I was about to run over to him when I heard a small cry from the crib next to Cas and tentatively walked over to it, and laying there was my son, who had Cas' dark hair but was peering up at me with green eyes. I gently picked him up and his whimpering calmed down, I looked over at Cas wanting to say something and saw Gabriel standing over him healing him and a familiar panic lanced through me. The light from Gabe's grace faded and he relaxed but Cas still wasn't waking up, Gabriel calmly said, "He is okay Dean, His grace needs time to properly heal and so he is going to sleep for a while." I felt a tear escape my eyes and I nodded, sitting next to Cas softly showing our son his sleeping father, "That's your daddy Greyson, he can't wait to meet you buddy." Greyson just seemed to stare at Cas before he yawned and wriggled a little closer to my body heat and closing his eyes.


	34. The baby is here! Cas' POV

_**A few days after**_

 _ **Cas's POV**_

I groaned lightly as I opened my eyes, my limbs felt stiff and for some reason there was an empty feeling in my grace, I heard something crying beside me and a hushed conversation. "Damn it Gabriel somethings wrong. Greyson won't stop crying and Cas has been out for days!"

The crying only seemed to get louder and I suddenly remembered my son, I sat up and said, my voice sounding even rougher than usual, "Dean?"

Dean suddenly turned to me and relief flooded his features and he smiled, "Hey you, oh my chuck I was worried about you Cas. Greyson wouldn't let me leave your side with him or he'd scream bloody murder."

I looked at the small bundle that seemed to have calmed down when I spoke, I felt the corners of my eyes burning with tears and I made no effort to stop them. Dean smiled at me, "Do you wanna meet your son Cas?"

I nodded, and swallowed hard, "Y…yes Dean."

Dean carefully handed me our son and Greyson almost instantly relaxed in my arms and he smiled a little toothless grin, he had a head full of dark hair similar to my own, and his skin was pale in a similar fashion to mine but he was given Dean's green eyes. "That's the first time I have seen him smile in 3 days"

"Yes well, he just needed his papa" I said in a gentle soothing tone as I ran my finger softly over Greyson's cheek. "So did you decide on a middle name Dean?"

Dean smiled and nodded, "Greyson John Winchester"

I smiled softly, "I think it is perfect Dean"


	35. THE END Gabriel's POV

**Gabriel's POV**

I watched Cas and Dean loving on their son and I closed my eyes, remembering what father had told me was to come their ways. I couldn't imagine how things would work out with their child, that little boy in there would end up fearing on of his fathers. I sighed, "If only you guys knew the shit storm heading for you."

 _ **Okay guys, this is the end for this story. I am going to write a sequel to this I just haven't figured out how to start it yet. Thank you all for reading please Favorite, and Follow me and Leave reviews! Your feedback is important!**_


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